ugh

This is one of my frequent feelings following the presentation of a sermon (or coordinating the sermon time).

The sermon hour is such an inexplainable thing for me at times.

It's riddled with a complex web of emotions. I too easily ride the approval wave of whether the people that I want to be impressed actually are or not.

Today, I felt like the experiment, mentioned in the previous post, was a flop! Input was not free flowing. I had to keep prompting people with different ideas. It felt like milking an almost dry cow. People were nervously looking around with little smirks (God only knows what the real reasons were, but my eager imagination was ready to surmise). I took this to mean they didn't know what to do with the down time and were uncomfortable with "nothing" happening. Maybe it's me that was the one that was really uncomfortable? I tried to allow extended moments of silence after asking questions to allow people to have time to think of feedback.

Maybe it's just my expectations of what I wanted to see happen. I hoped to have a lively discussion take off with profound insights or stories shared by a wide cross section of the group that would leave most visibly wanting to participate in such an experience again. I would love to see something happen in a more relaxed type of gathering that is obviously God's Spirit taking over.

I long to see church gatherings be a more relational experience. And yet, it's hard to make relational stuff happen in a prescribed way. It's kind of like the silly little exercise that some groups do where they say, "Now is the time where you turn around and say 'hi' to your neighbor". Then you watch everyone (except the Sanguines) try to venture out of their pews and awkwardly say "hi" to the person they just greeted at the door 20 minutes ago. It's so artificial.

I wonder if it's worth it trying to do new and creative things in church?

So, I press on. I need time to process my emotions (as I usually do after every speaking engagement). I know (although it's hard to believe in the moment) that change takes time. I need to stay focused and worry less (ha ha) about what people think. I need to keep following the visions in my heart.

The interesting thing is that, during the meal downstairs, in the midst of my "ugh" feeling, someone shared with me how the insights shared by a couple of other people, during our discussion sermon time, actually answered some questions for her and tied into what she was teaching in the children's classroom. So there you go, maybe I just gotta do what I gotta do. Keep trying to trust that God does what He wants to with our efforts. Sometimes they appear great (BIG) and sometimes they appear insignificant, or don't even hit our human awareness radar.